SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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