She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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