just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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