my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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