operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
