did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
