Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk

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(252): View more from North Carolina

after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?

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(678): View more from Georgia

just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.

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