I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
