I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
