Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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