i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
