Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
