Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
