I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
