k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
