just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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