You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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