Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
