Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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