You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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