Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Need sex. Gaining weight.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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