we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
