I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
