I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
please come you make the beer taste better
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
