just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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