I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
