Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
