dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
