I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
