We're like a lot better than the average bears
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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