I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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