My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had sex on a roof
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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