I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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