Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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