i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
