I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
