I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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