Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
