Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
