At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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