so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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