I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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