I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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