I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
