These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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