I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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