Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
