so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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