I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
