if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
