If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
