I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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