is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
