the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
