You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
