He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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