the condom got lost in my hair
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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