You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
