i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Come share oat with me in your robe
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
soo... how was my night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
