so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
