"it" just moved
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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