You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
