Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
