i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
