I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
