Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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