happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
