I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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