Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
