im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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