I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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