Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
