If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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