Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
