I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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