she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
