thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
