Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
