I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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