mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize