I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
