This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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