That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
