tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you had me at cake vodka
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
