have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
